Hot Takes Nobody Asked For (About Fads)
Nobody asked for these opinions. That has never stopped anyone on the internet, and it will not stop me now. What follows are my official hot takes on fad categories, delivered with absolute confidence and approximately zero qualifications.
1. Every fashion fad is just a dare with good lighting
Oversized blazers. Tiny sunglasses. Pants that are somehow both baggy and cropped, a paradox the physicists are still working on. Strip away the influencer and the ring light and every fashion trend is the same challenge: "wear this in public and act like it's normal." And we do. We wear it. We act normal. The emperor's new clothes had nothing on the emperor's new cargo pants with seventeen pockets, none of which hold a phone.
2. Wellness fads are astrology for people who own blenders
Every year a new superfood is declared, a new powder is sold, and a new three-letter acronym enters the group chat. The pattern is always the same: ancient wisdom, modern packaging, markup. I am not saying your green powder doesn't work. I am saying it works exactly as well as the last one, which you threw away when the new one arrived, which is the entire business model. The wellness industry doesn't sell health. It sells the feeling of having solved health, which expires every fiscal quarter.
3. Tech gadget fads are solutions in search of problems
Every few years the industry ships a gadget nobody asked for — a thing that does what your phone already does, but separately, and with its own charger, which you will lose within a month. The marketing always shows a person using it on a mountain at sunrise. Nobody on a mountain at sunrise needs this gadget. The person on the mountain is fine. Leave them alone. The gadget will be in a drawer by Christmas and in a "remember these?" video within the decade.
4. Slang fads age like milk, and I am the dairy inspector
Every slang cycle follows the same path: coined by teenagers, adopted by the internet, printed on a throw pillow at a home goods store, and then — the true death — used correctly in a corporate email. The moment your manager writes it in Slack, the word is legally deceased. Teenagers have already moved on. They are always three words ahead, and they are laughing at your throw pillow.
5. Nostalgia fads are just the sequel nobody greenlit
Every decade gets rebooted on a strict schedule: the styles, the music, the snacks. Here's the thing nobody admits — the reboot is never as good, because the original wasn't actually that good either. We remember the highlights. We forget the rest. Nostalgia is a highlight reel with the bad parts edited out, and the reboot is a cover band playing the highlight reel. Enjoy the concert. Just don't pretend it's the original.
6. Productivity fads are procrastination with a planner
New method every year. New app. New system with a name that sounds like a yoga pose. The dirty secret of every productivity fad: the people most obsessed with optimizing their workflow are the ones doing the least actual work. Organizing your to-do list for the fourth time this week is not productivity. It is, however, an excellent way to feel productive while your deadline waves at you from across the room. The best productivity system is, and always has been, "do the thing." It has no app. It cannot be monetized. That is why you never hear about it.
The takeaway
Fads are not the enemy. Fads are weather — they arrive, they soak everyone, they pass. The only real mistake is believing any of them are permanent. The cargo pants will go. The powder will be replaced. The slang will die in a Slack message. And when the next one arrives, I will be here, with more hot takes, which nobody asked for, which is precisely the tradition.